Temporary Fillings

Yesterday was as stressful as any day could be.  While I had hoped it to be a day where I could finally relax, maybe watch Netflix or read a book, it turned out to be one of the most challenging days of the week.  It seemed like my husband was getting on my nerves, all four kids were acting up and my youngest daughter, who has Aspergers, had one continuous meltdown all day.  I seriously considered if it would really be that bad if I just bought a train ticket and took off to destination Nowhere.  I mean, they would recover okay without me right?

I quickly came to my senses and realized that even though it is sometimes hard, I really do love those LugHeads that I call my family, so it would probably be a good idea if I stayed.  I mean, after about a week of uninterrupted reading, web surfing and drinking fruity drinks, I'd probably get bored anyway.

So, anyhow, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by everything and what do I do to overcome the stress that is boiling up on the inside?  Do I go to my prayer closet (my bathroom) and pray like all of the mom blogs make it seem that it is so easy to do?  NO!  Do I ask the husband to watch the kids for a bit so I can go take a walk around the neighborhood so that I can clear my head?  NOPE!  Do I even do the classic count to ten, so I don't lose my cool?  NUH-UH!  This girl here drives to the neighborhood market (and that could have been my walk to blow off steam since the market is pretty much right up the street) and I buy the biggest bag of nachos that I could find.  I come back home and devour those babies!

Now, I would be a bald faced liar, if I said that them nachos were not good.  They tasted awesome!  It was like eating crispy cheddar heaven in bag!  I ate so many, I think that I am still brushing orange crumbs off of my chin.  I forgot to mention that I finished off the bag this morning BEFORE breakfast, so there's that...

The point of this story is not to advertise for the major yummy cheese nacho company.  The point of this story is why I reached for those yummy nachos.  I was looking to fill a need on the inside.  Unfortunately, I look to fill some of my internal needs in that manner too often, which is one reason why I struggle with my weight.  

What I really wanted was peace in the midst of the chaos, to feel loved when I was feeling vulnerable, and to be noticed when I was feeling ignored.  Although those chips were mighty good, they did nothing to fill the voids that I felt on the inside.  It was like putting a wet band aid on a bruise. It may stay up there for a minute, but it's not going to stick very long and therefore it is not going to fix the problem.

Although I am not fond of cliches, I will say that it is true that hindsight is 20/20.  What I should have done is gone in that prayer closet and just asked for God's help in the situation.  It didn't need to be a drawn out two hour session, and to be honest, with four growing kids, it's just not doable a lot of the time.  I could have gone into the bathroom, shut the door and taken just five or ten minutes and prayed (hopefully enough time before the kids or the hubby comes knocking on the door looking for something that is in the spot that it always is in.)   I could have also taken the time to go  walk for fifteen minutes or so just to clear my head (as a bonus, I could have also used that time to pray).  My dear husband was off of work and I'm pretty sure that the world would not have fallen apart if I was gone for fifteen minutes.

As a result of my temporary filling, it ended up in kind of a disaster.  I was in a horrible mood all evening, I was yelling at my kids, yelling at my husband, yelling at the dog... and we don't even have a dog!  There were a lot a tears, and not just mine, but the kids too.

Your temporary fill may not be food.  It could be drinking too much wine (yes, I had to go there), spending too much time on social media to escape it all (can you say Guilty because I can!)  or pretty much anything that keeps you from dealing with the real issue.  

If we want to have peace and wholeness, we have to reach for the proper thing.  We can pray, exercise, talk to a trusted friend or counselor, ask for help (that's a hard one for many of us isn't it?) or even meditate.  If we learn to deal with our internal longings the right way, we will be happier in the long run and so will our families.

John 6:35  The Jesus declared "I am the bread of life.  Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

Psalm 46:1  God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Mosaic

I have been feeling led to write more often but I have allowed my doubts to hold me back. There is a lot of self-talk going on with me here and it isn't all good either.

"Well, you know, my grammar needs polishing and what do I have to say that's interesting anyway?"
 "It's silly to think that anyone would want to hear what I have to say.  C'mon!" 
"Maybe this strong sense that I have to write will pass; you know, like bad gas."

I quickly realized that I will not be satisfied until I stop making excuses and do what I felt led to do.  I often complain of not feeling fulfilled, but what am I doing about it?  It's like when I complain about that I really want to lose these extra pounds but then an hour later I'm licking the inside of a candy bar wrapper.  The pounds aren't going to come off on its own, but I have to put in the commitment and the work.  It's the same with getting the most out of our lives.  We have to take steps to bring about the changes needed in our lives.

What is that thing that you keep sensing that you have to do but you haven't done it yet?  What is your passion in life?  Is your passion scrolling through social media all day looking at everyone else life?  Of course not!  Shut that phone off (after you read this of course) and get out and do something toward making your life better!  

As I look out of my window at this beautiful day, one thing that I am certain of is that life is meant to be lived!  We are to live an abundant life!  We were not put here to just live, or as someone once said, "to pay bills and die."  We are here to make a difference in the world and in people's lives.  We are to enjoy our lives. Life doesn't have to be perfect to start living it to the fullest.  Just start where you are.  Change one small habit every week.  Commit to do one thing towards your goals daily.  When a negative thought goes through your mind, let it filter through gratitude and come out of your mouth as thankfulness.

Do not feel like what you have to offer is not needed. EVERYONE has a part to play.  It's as if the world is a mosaic and we all have our own little piece to add.  Yours may not look like mine and mine may not look like the next person's, but when you put all of the little pieces together, it makes a beautiful masterpiece!  

So, dear friend, whatever it is that is on your heart to do, take steps, even if it is tiny steps, towards walking in your purpose.  Do not think that what you have to offer is insignificant.  Our world needs you to build the beautiful mosaic!


John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I came that they may have life,  and have it abundantly.
1Peter 4:10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.
Philipians 4:13  I can do all things through him who strengthens me.